| Saturday, August 5th, 2006 |
| 9:14 pm |
dude basic cadet training is over!!!!!!!!!! i have been religiously watching a website that gives up to date information on wut the basics were doing and gave pictures too. now that training is over there is no more of that. and i have no idea when matt is getting his cell phone back. so now i get to sit in limbo waiting for that first magical call. until then i'm going to be giong crazy with my cell glued to my hand so that i won't miss his call. watch me miss it anyway cuz i like went to the bathroom or something. omg! i can't handle this. i thought he was getting his fone back today and as soon as 8 o clock rolled around my heart dropped. if its 8 here its 9 there and taps is at 9. so now he's in bed and i am gonna lose my mind! i think i'm gonna go try to waste a couple of hours until i fall asleep. bye. Current Mood:  anxious |
| Tuesday, July 11th, 2006 |
| 11:18 pm |
god i am so fucking lonely. i don't mean to offend my friends but i feel like a have a void and no matter what i do to take up my time so i won't think about him, it still isn't enough. i mean life has been great right now cuz i've been spending time with jenn and dj has been checking in on me to make sure i'm ok but that doesn't put my boyfriend in my arms. i know his life is sucking right now but he has no idea wut he is putting me through. its like i'm going through love boot camp. only its never going to end. it'll go on for 4 years if we make it that long. and even then if we make it through he will still be shipped off somewhere to serve his time in the airforce. for 6 fucking years. i'm gonna be a teacher. i'm getting my degree in california. if he gets transfered somewhere out of state i can't go with him or i can't work if i do go with him.. teaching degrees only work in the state that u got them in. i'm gonna really regret this if we end up staying together for a long ass time but he's ruining our relationship. can u imagine seeing the person u love more than anyone else for only a combined totaly of 2 months out of the year? thats all we get if u put all the weeks together. even the summer. u can't build a relationship off of that. we can especialy never have alone time even when we do see eachother because when he comes home everyone will want to see him. and he'll complain about not seeing his friends enough even if he barely spends any time with me. and for some reason when i complain about not seeing h im enough cuz hes with his friends, he still doesnt hang out with all of us together. i highly doubt his friends hate me and don't want to spend time with the both of us. i don't know wut to do. i don't want to leave ihm when he's going through this hard time but at the same time i don't think he's realizing the hard time i'm going through rite now. i just hope we get a chance to talk alone when i go out there labor day weekend.we need it so badly. Current Mood:  depressed |
| Saturday, March 18th, 2006 |
| 7:51 pm |
saturday night
yea how much does this suck. its saturday night and i'm bored out of my mind rite now. i have no plans and have had no plans all day. i have been sitting in my house laying around telling myself to do hw. matt has been at a volleyball tournament since 2:30 yesterday. its been going on all day. so i leave him a message at 5:30 today and he calls me back. i asked him if he wanted to go to dinner....the suprise was i was gonna buy. when i asked him he said he wanted to work on his art of film project. i don't know when its due and i don't know if his tournament is going on tomarow...i know its not all day cuz he's working on a project with me tomarow. but seriously. u can't even have dinner with me? school is important and all but he's going on a trip for 11 days in 2 weeks and for the next 2 weeks i'll be working almost every day of the work week so i won't be able to see him. at all. so we'll be going from not seeing eachother to... o yea... not seeing eachother. that'll make for a happy couple. Current Mood:  angry |
| Monday, February 27th, 2006 |
| 11:12 pm |
someone explain to me how this works. my lil brother gets the computer rom 3:45 to 9:00. i told him when i get home from girl scouts at 9 i want the computer. he kicked me off this afternoon to do nothing. i was pissed but my mom was there so i acted raitonal so she would take my side. so i go to girl scouts and get back like a quarter till 9. he is sitting in the kitchen watching tv with my mom and so when the show is over i go to the computer. its slow and not working well and i'm actually using it for homework. so at 9:30 my bro comes in with my mom and my mom says o i wanted him to use the comp. which was total bullshit he told her that i would say no so she came with him. he had 6 fucking hours ot call the dmv and make his driving appointment and he decided to use my hour that i had waited for all day to relax and talk to people to need the computer. so we fight till like 10 and then my mom kicks me off and starts using it. she said for 5 min. 1/2 and hour later we were fighitng about how unfair it was and how he had his chance and was just being an ass. by then i needed to shower and get ready for school so i left. having nothing more than a 1/2 hour of slow shitty computer time w/o fighitng. just to relax. i do so much shit for that lil boy and i gave him 6 hours. isn't six dam hours enough for the lil fat ass? someone tell me how my mom can think there is no favoritism in the house. seriously. Current Mood: angry |
| Sunday, February 19th, 2006 |
| 8:41 pm |
o man janessa has been dead for 6 months today. wut an awful day. half way through the first of many years to come without her. i have a horrible feeling. i keep looking at the people around me and stare at them memorizing every bit of their faces cuz i'm afriad i'll never see it again. i look into matt's face before he drives home from my housei think to myself "wut would i do if i couldn't look into the face again" i do that for everyone. when i'm hugging people and joking with people. i'm too worried. i would usually tell myself nothing bad could happen to anyone, but that is so obviously untrue. I think i just need to sleep a lot this week and relax. its prolly a menstral thing and the realization of the significance of this day. i wish she was burried closer. its at least a 45 min drive to see her. she deserves more visiters. just know i'm thinking about u guys whoever reads this. i mean everyone. Current Mood: anxious |
| Thursday, February 16th, 2006 |
| 3:23 pm |
happy vd day ya'll. haha jk. such a bad joke. k so yea my valentines day pretty much sucked until the last 10 minutes. which is pretty bad since we spent like 3 hours together. it was only so bad because we barely talked the whole time. i guess i have to do everything. if i don't pick the resturaunt we don't go out until its way late cuz i finally pick in the end. if i don't pick a movie its likely we'll be rushing in at the last minute and almost miss it. and if i don't make the conversation we don't have 1. so i couldn't think of anything to say and he was so tired he almost slept on the dinner table, we didn't talk. then we got in his spa after dinner and he still wouldn't talk and i asked him wut was on his mind for the 1,00th time and he said "nothing i wanna tell u about. that's y i haven't been talking to u all nite when u've asked me wut was on my mind." so i asked him y he felt there was something he couldn't tell me ...i tell him everything. and he told me i don't need to be involved in every aspect of his life. so i was crying on valentines day cuz my valentine tore me down. then when he asked me y i was crying he asked me as if he were angry at me. he finally told mewhat was on his mind and it was nothing. but it was something that i had told him before and he did nothing about it. not even an i'm sorry or anything. he told me his problem and i spent the rest of the night (15 min.) trying to fix it and spent all day today trying to be bubbly and cute cuz he says he needs it. i could kill him. i told him about me crying all nite long and stuff and he didn't do anything about it like treat me nicer or anything. he makes me so mad. wut to do with that kid. no matter wut though i can't say my day was worse than ashley's. poor thing. i'll kick casey when i see him. |
| Monday, February 13th, 2006 |
| 12:38 am |
long time no see
yea i know i haven't written in a while. oops. my gold award project is done and now i need to do the paper work. matt and i have been having issues where i just end up saying i'm the bad guy and everything fizzles out. jenn and i finally bought the t shirts for the club. took us long enough hehehehe. and i think i have the cutest gift for matt for valentines day even thuogh i don't know wut's up with us. jenn knows wut the gift is. sorry i never knew about the starting fee. not m uch else to report. o yea if mr. quay accepts everything i try to turn in on tuesday then i will have 11 assignments turned in all together. and i'm working on the codalin or codalith or w/e the hell it is rite now. yay! o wow i was in the barnes and noble bathroom today and this girl came storming in after me an dwhile i was doing my thing her and her friends started talking and it sounded like the chick was either raped or had really bad sex with an older guy that she regretted. it was the strangest thing. she was crying and said something about him humping her for about 20 min. very awkward i must say. nobody said anything about cops though so i'm thinking it was just bad sex. or unprotected. wut's worse is she looked like 14. o well. kids gotta learn that they aren't grown up no matter how bad they wanna be. i want to know where the hell her parents are. well the world can't be perfect. nite. Current Mood:  tired |
| Wednesday, January 25th, 2006 |
| 7:35 pm |
birthday
so yea yesterday was my birthday. i gotta admit it wasn't that great. i barely slept the night before so i was totally exhausted. then all of my classes were a total drag with review review review. oh and some busy work. then i went home and ate lunch alone. and then went to bris house to study some math where i actually got nothing done. then i went to school to go into mr. bean's class after 6th to do a math review and matt an di got on eachother's nerves really badly. he was trying to help me but he tutors expecting that u know a lot about what ur asking instead of pretending u know nothing, so he makes absolutely no sense. and me being extremely slow at learning math and him being bad at explaining things just made for some tempers. so we walked to my car in silence and i drove him home in silence and when i went inside i just laid down on his bed while he talked to his grammie and cried a lil. so i went into the bathroom and cleaned up a lil and the poor guy had no idea. we laid there and didn't talk some more and i told him i needed to leave to go study. i really just went home cuz... i was upset with him. he kinda made a promise to me and totally didn't keep it, and he knew it, and didn't do a thing about it. then i went home to go coach this 1 girl so she could make her swim team. we got to the city gym to find out that we couldn't swim there. so we had to go to huntington high school and wait half an hour to jump into a freezing pool. we worked out for 45 min and then went home. cold chicken soup was waiting for me and then i showered and made a sad attempt to study. then matt made a second promise before i left his house to call and talk as long as i wanted and instead he just called and said goodnight and bye. so i stayed up a lil longer and cleaned my rom then i cried a lil more when i realized no one sang to me for my birthday. then i went to bed at 12:00 cuz my brithday was officially over. the only good thing about my birthday was that jenn and amber did the coolest thing and took me out to breakfast. i didn't even need to eat lunch that day it was such a good breakfast. i luv u guys. u were the only 2 that made my birthday fun. i don't mean to sound rude cuz i really did like my presents and matt gave me this absolutely devine necklace, but i do wish i would have had something to look forward to on my birthday. barely anyone remembered. jenn and bri did. even matt forgot, i had to remind him. happy birthday to me. Current Mood: disappointed |
| Wednesday, January 4th, 2006 |
| 8:40 pm |
paint is dangerous.
man i am sore. well my right leg is. only the right one though. very odd. we were there from 11 to 2 and then from about 3 to 5:30. wut is that?.... 5 1/2 hours huh? very nice. actually thats not to nice i'm prolly gonna have to lie about my hours on my paper work so that i can get over 50 hours on my project. i have all of the paper work stuff written down and i'm writing down everything that we do but i doubt it will be enough. actually once i take care of the game and the pamphlets to give to each of the teachers i should be ok. we'll see. dude i feel really bad for jenn. stepping on a wet state. good thing she didn't fall all the way to the groung cuz she would have fallen on another wet state. tee hee it was pretty funny though. hopefully we can finish the map by friday. i at least want one fucking weekend free for my entire break. i've been running around like crazy this entire break and now i want some free time. it'll feel nice. i'll put on some tanning oil if its sunny and work on my tan. a tan in winter??? mwahahahaha. dude i can't wait for this summer. jenn and amber and i need to sit down and look at tours and stuff to do. i know one that we have to do that we did last time. we have to go to mulakini crater. u guys will LOVE it! that's all for now. Current Mood:  chipper |
| Friday, December 30th, 2005 |
| 10:23 pm |
stupid water fountain
dude we went to go clean the u.s. map at peterson for my gold award today and none of the focetts had heads on them so we had to fill our water buckets in the stupid drinking fountain. lol. it took a while. o well at least we can now start the painting. and now the waiting for wut to do on new years eve. i'm think ing we're going to danielle dematinos. hopefully there will be no temtation on my part to drink. we'll see. Current Mood: tired |
| Wednesday, December 28th, 2005 |
| 10:41 pm |
well for x mas matt gave me this awsome gift. he named a star in my name. he called it "my love, lauren" it was so sweet. my old neighbors r down here from alaska and it was so good to see them. katy has been here for 2 whole days and i haven't seen her yet. can't believe how that worked out. i can't believe that i'm working on new years eve and matt knew about a party and didn't tell me. he knew how i was searching to find something to do so i would have a reason not to work and now that i've taken ajob he tells me about a party and that all of his friends will be gone so he won't really have anyone to hang with on new years. wut the hell! so no wi screwed both of our new years. our senior new years. what the fuck. and i feel even worse because i asked jenn to do the job with me and all these dam twists and turns keep popping up in her face. courtney is making her fill out an application and she wants to call her references and she wanted jenn to go to the dmv and print out a driving record even though she won't be driving on this gig and then i even forgot that this job was on the books so courtney takes like a 10% cut of wut we make. idk wut i'm gonna do. i don't want jenn to have to pay it since she's going through so much dam trouble to have a crappy new years eve. i feel so fucking bad. not only that but i feel like something is wrong with matt and my relationship. idk i always get in a bad mood when i talk to him. well i mean on the fone. when we're together i'm in a good mood most of the time. i can't figure it out. i feel like i'm frustrated with him but he hasn't done anything to frustrate me. its so confusing. o well i'm gonna try and see him tomarow so i'll see how i feel then. Current Mood:  confused |
| Sunday, December 18th, 2005 |
| 8:52 pm |
arg
dude i hate that first day of that time of the month. i mean i have such bad cramps that i have to camp out all day and be stuck. which kinda sux cuz i was stuck on the couch all day yesterday with some fluish type thing. so i did absolutely nothing this weekend. how sadening. o well. at least tomarow is modefied. o man i took the pill last nite to help me sleep and i actually woke up. i was kinda depressed like maybe its not gonna work any more. i couldn't believe it. but at least it wasn't that far off from when it was supposed to wear off so i'm not that upset. how much would that sux if my sleeping pill wore off. i would never sleep rite ever. o well i'll find some kind of herbal tea or something. lol. but i need something to stop my cramps from killing me for a whole day. the advil takes long to kick in and the heating pad barely does anything to sooth the pain. stupid cramps. i want men to get cramps. just once in their lives. it can be that thing that they dread and worry about and when its over laugh at others guys and call them pansies for complaining about it, pretending like it didn't hurt but deep down knowing they were crying when they got them. lol. if i had a geenie that's wut i'd wish for. mwahahahahaha! Current Mood:  weird |
| Sunday, December 11th, 2005 |
| 9:05 pm |
totally over reacting
ok tell me if this is over reacting or not. i put a glass of milk in the fridge so it wouldn't get warm. my dad comes home and wants to put his doggy bag (styrophome box) in the fridge. there are other places but he wants to put it where my milk is. so he yells who's milk is this and when i say its mine he yells well come and get it out of the dam fridge. as i get close to him i say its not that big a deal and he tells me it has no place being in there and to get it out. i say u can ask me nicely and he screams like a woman and gets in my face and his nose actually touches my cheek. he starts screaming about how disrespecful i am and how very soon he was gonna get fed up with me and give me a solid back hand. he made the motion too and came within an inch of my face. so i got threatened for puttin gmilk inthe fridge. is that not where milk goes??? good god. he's gonna have a heart attack one day and i'll just laugh at him. poor old fat man. Current Mood:  apathetic |
| 6:53 pm |
freaky
omg i had the most horrible dream i could ever imagine last nite. dude jenn don't take this personal but the dream was something bad about u and it made me wake up crying.last nite i had a dream that jenn died in some kind of car accident. at least i'm pretty sure that's how it happened. all i know is matt and i were walking into school through the back alley and there were posters all over the school and it was kinda dark and it looked really dirty. there was a booth handing out some kind of flyers and stuff like that. when i went to say hi to whoever it was at the booth that when i realized it. no one told me. it wasn't on the flyers or anything but whoever got a flyer started crying. so i got a flyer and i started to cry. i don't remember much of the dream after that. i know i stepped down and co president of cc and gave it to adam cuz i couldn't do it w/o her. i can't even imagine doing it w/o her. then i remember going home and just being totally broken. i don't really remember all of it but i kno wwhen i woke up at like 7 o clock i was crying. it was soooo bad! Current Mood: scared |
| Thursday, December 8th, 2005 |
| 8:54 pm |
man o man
the kids were not very well behaved at all at work today. none of them napped and so 3 3 years olds and 1 4 year old make for a lot of time outs. at least no one got punched in the nose and got their blood all over me. Current Mood: amused |
| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005 |
| 10:26 pm |
ur kidding me
ok for some reason my dad has decided that 3 a's a b and a c aren't good grades. after he said that he did bad in calculus so he wasn't going to yell at me for a bad grade in math. my c is in math. then he said that photo doesn't count even if i have an a in it. yea fucking rite. i bet if he tried to do photo he never could. also my dad has taken to calling me immature instead of just implying wut a huge dissapointment i am. dude i know i'm immature at times but i only react to his immature behavior. dam the only reason he an di talk is cuz he punished me for having a c in english and now that i actually talk to him i'm hating him more and more. how sad is that. i thought it couldn't get worse between him and me. o well. sux for him. and erin. she'll have to take care of ihm when he's old. Current Mood: angry |
| Monday, December 5th, 2005 |
| 3:22 pm |
cc
aw poor mr. water's car. jenn u know wut i'm talking about. i think our meeting went pretty good today. we had a good talk about caring. it was nice. it made me think of the time i got one of those from mr. belcher. i got the caring cc award yay for me! so i don't have much to say but dam i have to go to math for tutorial all week this week. i hate funcitons with a firey passion. do u guys think they will give us an update about our senior page that we did together. jenn, amber, bri? any thoughts? hey wut should i do for my 18th birthday? i was thinking a huge dinner at my house. like a dress up thingy. who knows i just feel like being stupid and dressing up in a like dance dress. we'll c. tell me wut u think. Current Mood: tiredCurrent Music: comercials |
| Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 |
| 9:16 pm |
teehee
today i was looking for matt so i went into his physics class. i couldn't find him and saw tavi and said "hey have u seen matt this morning" the darling turned her head like she couldn't see or hear me and sat down in her desk. i saw matt once she was out of the way and walked past saying "way to go big kid" i just thought it was kinda funny. i haven't gotten a silent treatment that blatent since the last time i babysat. lol poor matt though. he had to turn in all his football gear today. he will never wear his pads again. no more helemt for me to wear when we're goofing off at his house. no more games friday nights. no more practice where he can bond with kids from all four years of school. how sad. ( huge poutty face here) Current Mood: sad |
| Sunday, November 27th, 2005 |
| 10:33 pm |
senior add and then some
yay the senior add is practically done. all i gotta do is pick up my pic and brin gover the h/c pic and we're done. sweet. it looks so good. i showed it to my mom and the first thing she said was that it was nice, but the second thing she said was that bri's and my notes are like exactly the same. hehehehe. she has to find the odd stuff. i did rather enjoy getting not very much done with jenn and amber the nite before. that was great! man i love hot irish men. i also enjoyed my lil discovery about y tavi and i aren't friends anymore and i really enjoyed laughing my ass off about it later. if u anylize the situation properly u'll find we stopped being friends over something that never happened. and i'm sure i'll b getting a lovely response to this any day now. o well. i figure the truth should b told. and fights aren't ment to be had over the internet. its nice to c the persons face. especially when you don't take it seriously and start laughing. teehee. nite guys. |
| Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005 |
| 12:34 pm |
well tavi and i are finally kaput. its funny though cuz this time she yelled at me for something that in actuality garrett did. hahahaha |
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